Ezekel Alan

This blog is about: cotton candy, cold milo, midgets, mangoes, sex, aged rum – everything but writing my next book

Archive for the month “November, 2011”

Welcome to my crib

Welcome to my crib

Hey, what’s up? Glad you could drop by to visit, homie.

Who sent you here by the way? Ohh, I see.

Come on in, this is my crib, take a look around.

By the way, did you bring anything for me?

No? That’s cool. It’s all good, homie.

Come on in. Come on in.

But really, what brought you here?

Is that so? And who told you this?

Well, that ain’t me, homie, I’m not into that kinda stuff, dude.

Who exactly did you say you were?

Why do you look so nervous, homie?

Are you wearing a wire?


Are you with them??

F**k! I’m outa here!

Me Running

I'm outa here!


Productivity in its many guises

Had a 3 hour meeting today on the subject of risk management. My contribution to it:

Monkey yawning



What I took away from it:




Today is yesterday!!

When sameness isn’t so bad

Oddly enough:

Woke up this morning at the same time as yesterday.

Woke up in the same place as I did yesterday. (Not at the steps of the rum bar.)

Woke up in the same house – my house.

Woke up in the same bed as I did yesterday. (Not on the floor as sometimes happen.)

Bizarrely enough:

Woke up with the same woman as I did yesterday.

This is a new record!

She was sleeping in my arms the same way she did yesterday.

This one’s a keeper!

Happy anniversary sweetheart!

Tourists climb the falls, holding hands and fo...

Should I take her here tomorrow?

Issue for reflection: with this new development, and the likelihood that from now on I may only have one woman, can I still consider myself a Jamaican man?

Henry Morgan was a privateer (and pirate) who ...

Is the old Pirate retiring?

The effects of Sleep Deprivation – by M. rae

Do check out this blog: Sleep Deprivation.

Pursuing dreams

Hello world!

This is me, Ezekel Alan. For anyone interested in knowing, I speak good English. This is because I come from a country once ruled by Britain, which means I was nearly British! Imagine what my life might have been!

Who am I? 

Would you like to choose? You can choose one or more of the following, but please choose carefully.

(en) Jamaica Location (he) מיקום ג'מייקה (Hi)زمىقا

I am from here

I am:

  1. A Jamaican;
  2. Sexy;
  3. A fabulous author;
  4. Filthy rich;
  5. A humble dude;
  6. A damn lunatic;
  7. A humanitarian;
  8. A fish.

What did you choose? Please let me know by comment.

What my wife says I am: “You are an old fart!” She says that I fart so much that if I concentrate my mind I could perhaps make music. Last night when the subject came up she went further to suggest that I could possibly make money from it, and that this could be my rags to riches story.

Normally when I choose for myself I say that I am whoever I want to be, forget about Reality! I genuinely think that Reality is over-rated.

If Reality chooses for me it says “Ezekel Alan is an international consultant working in Asia. He lives with his wife and kids, has a good reliable dog, and a satisfyingly abundant supply of sweet juicy mangoes.”

Reality sometimes says that I am an angry sheep, but I have no idea where that is coming from.

Anyway, this is what I look like when people take my photo:


One day I’ll share with you what I look like when I see myself in the mirror.

Why am I blogging?

This is the reason:

My perception of who I am and what Reality says are different. This must be aligned! I must make haste!

For example, I think of myself as a writer. Reality says: your mother never even cared to keep anything you wrote as a child!

I say: this must be aligned!

My perception: I am filthy rich. Reality says: you don’t even have dried shit in your ass!

I say: this must be aligned!

I will therefore blog to (a) keep me focused on my quest for fame and greatness, (b) engage with others who find themselves in a similar position (out of alignment); (c) promote my novels (hehehe);  and (d) provide interesting distractions to readers who should really be busy doing something worthwhile.

What do I want to blog about?

  1. All the things I find myself doing instead of writing my book. (Believe me, I will have a lot to blog about!) I would also like to invite all readers to share their own stories about the things they find themselves doing instead of writing their novels or pursuing their dreams. You can either leave a comment or send me a note for me to post.
  2. The most creative/interesting/out-of-the-box lines of a book/ movie I have read/heard in recent times. I find these things quite inspiring and they push me to write. Readers can also share their own interesting lines.

What other use will I make of this blog?

I want this blog to serve as a sort of network where folks can share resources – good sites, good ideas, good contacts for anyone writing or trying to write a novel, or anyone pursuing some dream. I will tell you what I have come across that could be useful, you can tell me what you’ve come across. Do we have a deal?

Deal! Done!

First blog done!

P.s – No humans or animals were hurt or ill-treated during the production of this blog. The same cannot be said for the two blood-sucking mosquitoes that tried to prevent me from writing.

A blog by M. Rae that I love – Hugs Bite

This one is hilarious, and I can so relate! Hugs Bite.

I am the last great sex symbol of this age. Doubt it? Go ask your wife or girlfriend!

Until I get back to writing my novel…

I’ve been thinking about a few things. I have come to the unequivocal conclusion that I just might be the last remaining, genuine sex symbol of our age.

The more I think about it, the more obvious it gets. Let’s review a couple of facts:

Fact 1

Since the passing of Clark Gable, Bobby Boy Kennedy, and a few others of that generation, there hasn’t been that many new sex symbols. Do you need more than one hand to count the number of guys that women (and a few men) have been swooning over?

Fact 2

George Clooney is now getting to the age where he can only smile at younger women. Sure, he might still be cute, but so are babies and puppies, no?

Where does this leave us?

What it really comes down to is essentially me, Brad Pit, and Bart Simpson. Barty Boy could be a challenge, my daughter secretly finds him attractive, as do many young girls. But I feel we can rule him out because, while he’s got some cool, he’s only a cartoon figure.

Barty Boy - Got some 'cool'

Now, let’s think long and hard about me and Brad.

Thinking long and hard about it

Back in the days my mama used to ask me to think long and hard about things. There were days, for instance, when she would see me in the kitchen (which was essentially the right side of the one-room house we lived in), and she would know what I was thinking. We had no fridge – not because we had anything against fridges, we just didn’t have the money to buy one. I’d see the last bag of cookie in the cupboard and make my way towards it.

My mama would say to me: “Think about it long and hard mister.” She’d use her calm, cold voice.

I’d know her intentions right away.

That’s something my mama used to ask me to do often, think long and hard about my actions. I tried it many times back in the days. The problem is, I generally could not figure out what all that thinking was supposed to lead to. Nothing concrete or material ever came from thinking long and hard…well, except for those times when I thought long and hard about girls, and produced a nice, hard erection. This was indeed an immediate, physical, concrete outcome of a thought. For all other times, the only result from thinking long and hard was a long hard thought.

Anyway, I have been thinking long and hard about me and Brad and I’ve come to the conclusion, as I mentioned before, that I am indeed the last great sex symbol of our generation.

The problem with Brad is that he is the pretty boy type of sexy, which is so out of style. We are now talking new generation here! Facebook, Twitter, Issuu, and all that. This generation doesn’t go for pretty boy sexy. They go for gangsta, rude bwoy, shotta, don. They want the Original Rude Bwoy. Brad or Jay-Z? It’s Jay-Z all the way bro’! That’s what girls want! And guess what?

That’s me!

Original Rude Bwoy

This is my time!

One love

Original Gangsta

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